Holy Discontent

My dad has been preaching on Nehemiah. This past Sunday, he talked about the importance of our holy discontent being turned into action. Our holy discontent will fade away if we aren't willing to commit, sacrifice, and act. There were two points in particular, that really challenged me.

First, he talked about the next principle. Nehemiah 3:3-4 says, "The sons of Hassenaah built the Fish Gate. They laid its beams and set its doors, its bolts, and its bars. And next to them Meremoth the son of Uriah, son of Hakkoz repaired. And next to them Meshullam the son of Berechiah, son of Meshezabel repaired. And next to them Zadok the son of Baana repaired."

To be entirely honest, when I see a bunch of names, let alone names I can't pronounce, I tend to skip over those verses. I completely skipped over the next principle! I need to realize that God always has someone next to me on the wall. I have a place, but it's just one place. How encouraging and motivating to know that there are others next to me. I might not even see them, but I am not alone in going after my God-given holy discontent.

The second point that really grabbed me was a challenge to, "Do for one what you wish you could do for many." Do for one. I don't know about you, but that pretty much blows all of my excuses out of the water. It's so easy for me to say that I don't know where to start. That the need is too great for me to make a difference. But as this challenge may point out, how often do we miss our one because we are too overwhelmed by the many?

I'm not sure what your holy discontent is. I challenge you to figure it out, and ask God to move you into action. One thing I am passionate about is seeing every child at Agape Orphanage in Myanmar sponsored. While I'm not sure your one thing, would you prayerfully consider standing next to me in mine? It only takes a couple of clicks to sponsor one of these precious children- http://www.calvaryglobalkids.org/

I don't want to miss my one. I want to listen to God's call to invest deeply in my one, and trust that together with those next to me, we'll impact the many.

Trust

I have been stressing myself out over a couple of work related things coming up tomorrow and Monday. I know what you may be thinking- Sarah? Stress? No way! But unfortunately, it's true. In fact, so true, that I have slowly started allowing it to impact my relationships. I'm more irritable (yes, it's possible), and it seems like my empathy is lower than my father's (sorry, love you Dad).

I know this is not how the Lord intended my heart to be! When I take a closer look, I realize it is a direct reflection of the lack of time I spend with Him. I can't love like the Lord if I am not allowing his hand, his love, to shape my heart daily. And I haven't been allowing him. I have been looking to other things to de-stress me (For those of you who were unaware, yes, it is possible for Hulu to ask you if you'd like to take a break from watching.).

Recently, however, my mom gave me some devotional CDs to listen to in the car. Then Klove quoted an old devotional book that I haven't picked up in a while. So tonight, instead of reading the work material I brought home, I opened up the devotional to today's date.

And wouldn't you know it, it's all about finding peace in God! Sarah Young writes daily letters as if they are to us from God. In it she writes, "You know this day will bring difficulties, and you are trying to think your way through those trials." It is ridiculous how often I try to think my way through trials ahead of time. As if that is the only way I can overcome them. As if that gives me the edge!

But ultimately, thinking of what is ahead causes me to forget that God is with me now.

Sarah Young also says, "Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur." This might be obvious to some of you, but reading it that way was so overwhelming for me. I am choosing to live my trials more than once. What? Seriously, how ridiculous.

That is not the life God intends for me; for anyone. He wants us to relax in his peace. He wants to transform our fear into trust. Because that's really what it comes down to, isn't it? Trust. If we trust in his plan, the trial isn't something to fear. But if we are rooting for our own plan, fear can take hold of us. So I'm choosing to trust. And to pray that God will change my plans for my life to mirror his.

Relational Spirituality

I have been ridiculously blessed with the best family and friends a girl could ask for. I know I have said this before, but I can't help but write about it again. I love the people God has placed in my life. I am so grateful for them and for what they add to my life.


I am thankful for the way they love me, challenge me, stretch me, and walk beside me.

I am currently writing a paper on the different facets of spirituality (but taking a break to write this blog...procrastination at its finest) based on Kenneth Boa's book Conformed to His Image. One of the facets of spirituality he talks about is Relational Spirituality. Essentially, this is found from loving God completely, ourselves correctly, and others compassionately. Boa says, “…we are called to a lifestyle of growing others-centeredness and diminishing self-centeredness as Christ increases and we decrease." If we love God completely, he will teach us how to love ourselves correctly. 

Loving ourselves correctly allows us to love others out of the overflow and not because we require something from them- such as acceptance or in an attempt to overcome feelings of loneliness or insignificance. 

I can't help but think of what a beautiful relationship that would create- to love others out of the overflow. To see myself correctly and therefore love others more compassionately. And it all starts with loving God completely. 

What would that look like in your life? To love God completely? What is competing with God for your heart? It is an easy question for me to answer, and a scary one for me to act on. But necessary. So necessary. Because God has blessed me with special people in my life. And I want to love them compassionately, not selfishly. Don't you?

Words of my mouth, meditation of my heart

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, o Lord, my rock and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

The first part is easier, when I'm trying. Regardless of what is going on in my life, or in my heart, it has always been easy for me to come up with the right words to say. But that doesn't mean the words that leave my lips come from my heart.

Growing up, going to Sunday School as the Pastor's daughter, I learned early on that I needed to know the right words that would be acceptable to God- but mostly to my Sunday School teachers. I was the Pastor's daughter, after all. I learned the power of words. Words of affirmation can bring hope to a hurting friend. Words of truth can change a life. The words of Jesus can transform a world.

Words can also mask the truth. They can paint a picture of perfection or growth on the outside that doesn't quite line up with the inside.

I 've been using words as a mask. I speak words that I know are acceptable in God's sight- words that paint a picture of a strong young woman putting her relationship with God before all else. Words that show I am fine, healthy, growing. Words that I have believed people want to and should hear.

It's hard to be vulnerable. To speak from my heart, when I am confident that what is inside is too messy to be acceptable in my family or friend's sight, let alone God's.

The meditation of my heart. Words can mask. But if I take a look at the meditation of my heart, it reveals truth. And the truth I see right now is messy. It's easy to try and ignore the mess. To believe that if the words are right, it will eventually clean up the mess. But it won't. Words can't. God can.

God is my rock and my redeemer. It's a beautiful way to end that verse. Because the only way the words from our mouths and meditations of our hearts can be pleasing to God, is if he truly is our redeemer.

My words and my heart weren't lining up, because I wasn't allowing God in. I was so focused on cleaning up the mess by performing better at my job, being a better sister, daughter and friend. It pushed my desire to let Jesus live through me to the side, as I instead strived to do it on my own.

My sister recently sent me a text asking how I was, I replied with the normal, "fine how are you?" She responded by asking how I actually was. She went on to say that she had just heard a sermon on support and encouragement and realized she couldn't give that to me if she didn't know what areas I needed prayer and support in.

My dad preached about messes this past Sunday (he always seems to have impeccable timing..or maybe it's just that he does an exceptional job letting Jesus live through him). He said, "[Jesus] dives head-first into our mess. Not because He loves our mess, but because He loves you and He loves transforming the mess into glory."

So, I think it's safe to say God is trying to get my attention. He has placed such strong, supportive people in my life whom I love dearly. People who don't want me to use words as a mask, but to use them as a way to reveal where I need prayer. And I can use words to do the same for them. How's that for acceptable in God's sight?

And God, well he loves transforming mess into glory. So with his help, I'm well on my way to the meditation, and well, the shape of my heart to be something pleasing in his sight. It's going to be a beautifully messy journey.

Sweeter Than Honey

I love food. This past weekend my grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and my dear friend Jessica got married (I got way more out of it than good food though, I promise). At the wedding, there was a beautiful cookie table (thank you, Pittsburgh traditions). I got full off of every kind of cookie before the main course was even served (but that didn't stop me from getting a full plate). Then I flew to my grandparents wedding anniversary were there was a fun photo booth, a dance floor, and food. I think I was in line for seconds before some people even finished round one.

Then yesterday I spent part of my day off grocery shopping at the Target store in downtown Pittsburgh. They have an expanded grocery section and I was in heaven. I bought way more than I needed. While shopping I sent a text to my mom because I was that excited.

Today while I was washing dishes in my kitchen, I read the verse I so appropriately put over my sink:


"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" Psalm 119:103

I don't remember the last time I tasted the word of God or compared it to honey. Yet I can describe in detail the last dessert I ordered while out to dinner at Red Robin (which was a while ago, Jess and I have kicked the habit to those of you who were wondering). That's pretty pathetic. I guess I've been pretty complacent with my time in the word, allowing it to grow stale. That's not how I want the living word of God to taste!

When is the last time you compared God's words to the sweet taste of [insert favorite dessert here]? I don't know about you, but I plan to read the bible with a greater appreciation and expectation tonight. I want what David had- a sweet taste of my God and his words on my lips!

Set Your Mind on Him

Question number 2: What is my mind set on?

"For to set the mind on flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6

As I was reading more of Sarah Young's daily devotional, there was a day focused on what our mind is most often set on. In it, she gave a challenge for me to ask His Spirit to control my mind, so that I can think great thoughts of Him.

Both the verse in Romans and that challenge stayed with me. Put so simply, yet so powerful if I actually put it into practice. It's no secret; my mind is often set on and consumed by flesh. It's pretty intense for that to be compared to death...but it's so true! This past year, in many ways, has been like death for me. Pittsburgh has been a trial, and I responded by setting my mind on work rather than my relationship with the Lord. That has caused my heart to often be void of the heavenly peace and feelings of eternal joy that I so treasure. My mind needs to be set on the Spirit!

My first thought is, but that's too hard! But Romans 8 gives me hope- it is possible. The Holy Spirit can control my mind! But, am I willing to give up control? Am I willing to set my mind fully on the Spirit and trust that he will lead me in the right direction? Because if I set my mind on Him, there isn't room to worry about what direction I'm heading and whether or not I'll like it. There isn't room to worry about if or how I'll make it through this current trial. There isn't room for me to try and fit my agenda into God's. There's only room for Him. 

Set my mind on the Spirit- and only one thing will be necessary. Jesus. 

What is your mind set on? Your job? Your family? A failing relationship? A current trial? Look to Jesus. Set your mind, your heart, your eyes on him and he will lead you. I encourage you to pray, along with me, that the Holy Spirit will take control of our minds, our hearts. May our thoughts be set on him!

Cease Striving

There are two themes that seem to continue to show up in my quiet times with God recently. The verses I have sifted through and devotions I have been reading all lead me to ask myself the same two questions:

1. What am I striving for?
2. What is my mind set on?

So, to address number one:

I hear God telling me, "Cease striving! Be still, know that I am God!" I hear him telling me to quit guessing his agenda or creating my own but to trust that his plans are good. Yet I still strive for my own agenda. I try to fit my plans into God's, as if my ideas are actually better! How often do we do that?

While reading a devotional my parents gave me by Sarah Young, I was reminded and convicted of the one thing to be striving for. Two verses really hit me:

The first, "Seek the Lord and his strength. Seek his presence continually." Psalm 105:4

The second (I added my name, more dramatic that way), "Sarah, Sarah you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. They have chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from them." Luke 10:41-42

Only one thing is necessary. Most often, I have chosen everything but the one thing. Each time, it has led me down a path of anxiousness, uncertainty, fear, fleeting joy, depression. It is a path filled with constant striving. Burdens aren't lifted for more than mere moments. So why do we keep choosing it? I want to choose the good portion- the portion that won't be taken from me. In order for that to be true, I know I need to seek the Lord- only the Lord and his strength. That means I can't seek after a husband, the perfect job, a new city, more things. If I am choosing the good portion, then I am choosing to seek His presence continually.

Sometimes just thinking about that choice overwhelms me. It is too easy for the one thing that is necessary to become the 2, 4, 10 things that mistakenly feel necessary. I don't want to be troubled and anxious about many things, I want the one thing. The good portion.

In Sarah Young's devotional, she said this is what God is asking of us,"Come to me with an open mind and heart, inviting me to plant my desires within you." When I think about it that way, it's a little less daunting to pick the one thing. I just have to let God do the work, give over the reins, and he will do the planting. He will foster a desire for the one thing. Will you let him?

God (Good) Plans for 2012

I don't really make a habit out of writing new year resolutions. Mostly because I do a horrible job of keeping them. I do however, find ringing in the new year a perfect time to make a list of all the things I am thankful for.

 Last summer, our family went to St. Croix. We spent most nights on a second level deck, looking at all of the stars. One of the nights, our parents asked us to talk about 1-2 characteristics or values that we felt defined our family, or that we thought our parents tried to instil in us. One of the main values we talked about was gratitude. While I don't always model this, I can see how much importance my parents put in having an attitude of gratitude. Hence, the gratitude list of 2011! Not a comprehensive list, but just some of the highlights (in no particular order):

 Spending a long weekend in Minnesota with Katy, Jake, and Josh. So thankful for the time we get to spend together ...(especially now that we are a little older, more mature, and not in competition with each other 100% of the time) I love them!

Visiting Betsy in Miami with Lauren. It was wonderful to see where Betsy lives and the friends she has made and to spend some quality time with dear friends.

 Going to Saint Croix with my family. With Katy and Jake in Minnesota and me in Pittsburgh, we are limited in our family time. It was so great to spend a week with them, especially on a beautiful island! I have been blessed with a sometimes borderline insane, wonderful, hilarious family. 




Finding a small group in Pittsburgh. It's not easy to balance a crazy workload and a social life, and I am so thankful that God brought me to a wonderful group of people wanting to find fellowship and learn more about God.

Starting off the year watching my bible study girls grow, cry, laugh, and be vulnerable with each other at Leadership Advance. Then continuing to watch them grow in their friendships as God became not only present, but foundational in their relationships with each other. Ending the year hearing all the things God is teaching them as Freshmen in college! I have loved seeing them grow into beautiful young women of God who are going to touch the lives of many and do much for the kingdom of God!

 Time spent with my friends. Most often, due to weddings, I have really appreciated the time I have been given to catch up with this wonderful group of people!

Time spent at home during Christmas. With the craziness of retail, it is really easy to get caught up in work and long hours. Even though it didn't feel like a lot, I really enjoyed and treasured the time I was able to spend at 1197 with friends and family! What a perfect way to end the year.

 Finally, I am so thankful that God is walking into yet another new year with me. This past year was a challenging one. It was a year filled with God stretching me and with me often refusing to be stretched. It was filled with tears, hope, frustration, doubt, anxiousness, joy, and blessings I sometimes almost missed. I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of growing. I still struggle with fear and uncertainty about what is to come. But I am thankful that going into 2012, I am choosing to hand that over to God. I may not know what is in store this next year, but God does. He knows the plans he has for me, and they are GOOD. He knows the plans he has for you and they are GOOD plans. So as you make plans for 2012, with or without resolutions, carve in some time with our creator. Find fullness of joy in his presence, be still, cease striving, know that He is God. Take time to thank him, for the year we just finished, the year ahead, and the fact that through it all, he has had a plan, and he has not left our side!

A Fixed Gaze

It has been a busy couple of months, and in the retail world, it's only the beginning! In addition to preparing for the holiday season (can't believe it's already November), I've been going through a lot of change both personally and professionally. I've been feeling pretty good about it. I've finally found a small group that I love and people that I'm starting to connect with. I am enjoying my work, and doing some pretty cool things with the company. I've felt pretty good about myself. (As if I've had anything to do with the success I've recently experienced!)

I have been going through the interview process at work in order to eventually get promoted to another HR position. You have to go through quite a few rounds of interviews! Through a series of circumstances, God really brought me to my knees. While I passed my first round of interviews, the second round got moved from November to February. God needed to remind me that He is in control, not me. That his plan is perfect, not mine. Not a fun lesson to be reminded of. I spent a couple of emotional days not understanding why the perfect timing I had planned out in my head wasn't working out. I cried a lot of tears and placed a lot of blame. In my typical dramatic way, I saw it as the end of the world.

It's only been a couple of weeks since my interviews and I have already seen so many blessings from it. God certainly works in mysterious yet awesome ways. I have also started to dig deep in the mess of my heart and work through my sinful tendency to make my own plans and dream up my own life purpose. I came across a challenging verse in Isaiah and as I was reading it, I really felt God saying that this needs to define me. Am I willing to change where my eyes are focused?

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on you."
Isaiah 26:3

My gaze had been inward. My gaze had been fixed on finding success and purpose in my job. It is so easy to fix our gaze on worldly things. I do it without even realizing it! But I don't want that to define me. I don't want to look for peace in my own purpose. Where or what is your gaze fixed on? I wonder how much we miss out on because of our selfish gaze. God's purpose is so much bigger and I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than his purpose and his perfect peace.

I came across a quote that I think words what our prayer should be perfectly: "May this be our prayer, 'I do not want to turn my eyes from you, O God. There I want them to stay and not move no matter what happens to me, within or without."

Where is your gaze? What changes need to be made so you can ensure your gaze is fixed on Jesus Christ? Don't wait, trust that fixing our eyes on Jesus, while harder, will lead us to our greater purpose!

My One Thing

What is your one thing? You know, the idea, the person, the possession you put most value on? What do you want to be known for? What is your one thing?

D. L. Moody said, "It is better to say, 'This one thing I do,' than to say, 'These forty things I dabble with.'"

I think I'm pretty good at dabbling. But that's not something I want to be good at! I want to have one thing...and I want it to be the right one thing, the eternal one thing.

In Philippians 3:13-14 Paul says, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Paul's one thing was singleminded devotion to Jesus.

I want that. I want my relationship with Jesus to be my one thing. But then I think, well what about everything else? What about my relationships with my family? My work? Agape Orphanage? Those are all pretty good things to put value into too, right? I realize that it is when my perspective is not eternal that I struggle most with Jesus being my one thing. Ultimately, pursuing him is the only thing of worth. Nothing else truly satisfies. Making him my one thing does not mean there is no worth in other good things. In fact, I think I am able to love best, work best, serve best, when He is my one thing. C.S. Lewis wrote, "When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased." What a hard, but good thing to remember!

Cynthia Heald talks about the importance of abiding in relation to making Jesus your one thing. She wrote, "My personal picture to illustrate abiding is 'keeping my hand in His.' Just as the branch must stay attached to the vine, I feel that if I keep my hand in His, then I'm connected to Christ. He is leading, I am following; He talks, I listen; I talk, He listens. When He stops, I stop. When He is silent, I am silent. Whatever path I am on, I know it is His path for me. Abiding is a lifestyle- a continual communion with the Lord as I keep my hand in His."

I like that illustration. Abiding in Christ is a choice- one we have to commit to daily. At times that seems overwhelming, but if I want Christ to be my one thing, it's a choice I want to make. It's a habit I want to form. A relationship I want to make a priority. It is far better to make Christ my one thing- how will I be able to fully love and serve those he placed in my life otherwise?

And when the choice of abiding seems too hard, I think of a quote by Andrew Murray, "Let Christ be first. Let Christ be all. Do not be occupied with the abiding- be occupied with Christ."

Purpose in Trials

God recently brought a verse in Jeremiah to my attention that really pierced my heart:

"He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:8

Then I went through a "focused living" seminar for my dad and I felt my heart being grabbed all over again as I went through an exercise that had me pull out all of the lessons God has been teaching me over the course of my life, and I saw all the ways he had been present.

Then I went to bible study and we talked about having an "unshakable simplicity" where Erwin G. Tieman was quoted saying, "Nothing influences the quality of our life more than how we respond to trouble."

These three things happened in a matter of a week. I figured God was probably trying to get my attention so I spent some time digging into these three themes in order to hear what He was trying to tell me. It was quite a convicting message.

I've now been in Pittsburgh for an entire year. It's been a challenging year. I've experienced a lot of the drought and heat Jeremiah talks about. I've spent a lot of my year dwelling on those times and not a lot of time ensuring I was like a tree planted by water. I was more like a rock, refusing to soak in the nutrients that would allow me to bear fruit. I stopped going to God with my problems, I would yell at him for them, but then try and "solve" them on my own. You can imagine how effective that was for me.

My dad encouraged me to complete this "focused living" seminar in hopes that it would renew in me a sense of purpose. It did a lot more than that.

One of the exercises required me to create a timeline of my life- to write on yellow post-it notes the significant people and experiences that have shaped who I am. After that was completed, I had to go through and pull out the post-it notes that represented a hard time or trial, and put them on pink post-it notes. Then, I had to organize all of the post-it notes into life stages and pull out lessons from each stage.

I have always heard and recited and even told other people, "God has a purpose in your trials." But to look and see how many of my life lessons were a direct result of my trials was overwhelming. Talking through my lessons with my dad connected the dots even further. I felt like crying the whole time because it was so overwhelming and wonderful to catch even just a glimpse of the way God had prepared me for where I am now.

Then my dad pointed out that my lessons don't just show how I value relationships with people, but with God also. Every lesson is somehow tied into what I learned about God and how central he is. He told me it is obvious I value my relationship with God. As I reflected on that I heard God say to me, "SEE! You value me! It has been evident at every stage of your life. So why are you ignoring the love and strength I want to give you? Why aren't you laying your burdens at my feet? I have a purpose in this trial too, how do you expect to find it if you aren't spending time with me?"

Yes I was experiencing times of heat and drought, but the biggest drought was in my heart. Because I had stopped going to God for fulfillment. I realized my current trial was only due to one thing: I missed God.

Bible study on Monday tied everything together. First, it was a sweet reminder of the way God had provided during my trials. He brought me to this sweet group of girls who were willing to be vulnerable and real in our journey to discover more of God. Second, the subject of unshakable simplicity was beyond perfect.

Cynthia Heald said, "Choosing to live a life simply devoted to the Lord does equip and enable us to remain unshakable in the midst of stressful and trying circumstances." God equips us! We have a choice, and when we make that choice, he equips us to remain unshakable, or green and able to bear fruit, in times of trials!

She also said, "I have found that the only way I can remain unshakable, assured, and deeply at peace is when I take heart from being in the presence of Christ. The only way I can experience His mercies to live just for today is to sit at His feet and listen to His Word. While abiding in Him I receive the strength, the wisdom, and the eternal perspective I need to respond to adversity in order to not be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ."

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty thrilled at the prospect of sitting at God's feet in times of trials, rather than venturing out to handle them on my own.

Firsts and Lasts

There are a few special girls in my life that are about to end another chapter of their lives- high school. It is the beginning of a lot of "lasts." Tomorrow, they have their last day of high school. For some of them, their last day of school in PA. And while the lasts are hard (and quite emotional), I'm more excited about the stuff that brought them to their "lasts" and the way it has prepared them for some new "firsts." I get emotional whenever I think about the last year these girls have had and the incredible way I have watched God shape their hearts. So, I'm going to take a moment to brag about them by sharing the two things I am most proud of.

1. I am so proud of the decision they made to be real, intentional, and vulnerable in their friendships with one another. They were able to push past all of the gossip, stereotypes, and differences that tend to define high school and share their hearts. It made experiencing the lasts of high school more special and ensures they will continue to be apart of each other's firsts in this next season.

2. I am so proud of the way these girls have been real with God. They have asked tough questions. They have searched for God, been mad or confused by God, and fallen in love with God. Their desire to know who they are in Christ and how they can use the gifts he blessed them with to glorify him challenges me. I have no doubt that not only is God going to bless all of the lasts they are experiencing together, but he is also going to show up in big ways in all of their firsts.

It is hard to end a chapter. It's emotional to say goodbye to the friends you have grown so close to and begin to remember how to make new ones. But these girls have built their friendship centered around the one thing in this world that never changes- Christ Jesus. That brings comfort in the lasts and hope in the firsts.

Girls, I can't say enough how proud I am of you and how much I love you! I have been so blessed to be a part of your lives. It has been so fun to watch your friendships go deeper and to watch you not only live life together, but fall in love with God together. Thanks for letting me be a part of that. I am excited to see you graduate, and even more excited to hear about your first years at college. And while you may not have any more "first" days of school with these girls by your side, we do have a "first" Christmas break that will demand a lot of sleepovers and waffle shop dates!

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

Expecting to SEE him

My parents recently went through the process of becoming foster parents. They were approached about two little girls who needed to be placed in a new home. Seems like a no-brainer to say yes. The only catch was that whatever home they were placed in, needed to be willing to adopt them down the road. Our family had prayed about foster care. My parents felt led down that road. Adoption had not been a topic of discussion...except when talking about our little joys at Agape in Myanmar. It was an exciting thing to think about and pray about. I had no idea where God was going to lead my parents. Ultimately, my parents realized God had other plans for them. It was a hard and emotional decision. Even without meeting them, we had become somewhat attached to the idea of expanding the Nold family permanently.

I thought that this could be one of God's big plans for our family. It's hard to fathom that his plan could be bigger than adopting these two girls. I was with my sister, Katy, when our parents told us the decision. My initial thought was that maybe God said no to these two precious girls because he had a plan in the works to legalize adoption in Myanmar. We quickly dismissed that idea. No way was that happening.

This morning I was cleaning my apartment and came across the notes I took during my dad's sermon on Dancing Cripples. My eyes were drawn to two notes I took then starred and underlined. The first was, "Expect to see Him! Even cripples hope for a new normal, do I?" The second was, "It's always too early to quit asking- to quit hoping in God."

For me, for our family, a new normal would be adopting from Myanmar. It is something we wouldn't hesitate to do if it were legal. It's something that has been on my "Impossible Prayer List" since my first trip when I was a senior in high school. But I stopped praying for it. I stopped believing it could happen. It's an idea that is easily and quickly dismissed in conversation. So I started thinking, did I stop hoping for this new normal? Did I stop expecting him to move, to show up in a larger-than-life way? Why did I quit asking?

I always expect God to listen. I just don't always expect to SEE him. I don't like that. If I am not expecting to see him, chances are I am going to miss out when he reveals himself. Where in your life are you no longer expecting to see him, to see him move? What things have you quit asking for? I'm not saying to continue to ask for the things that God has clearly given you an answer to but you refuse to accept it. I'm talking about the things that you have been asking for that have yet to be answered. The things you don't think God could ever change. The hearts of loved ones, a child, a new job, reconciliation. Don't quit hoping, don't stop expecting to SEE God. Because if you do, you'll miss out on whatever beautiful, powerful, awesome plan he has. You could miss out on his new normal.

Finding Conviction in...Leviticus?

In January I started a one year Bible reading plan. Each day I read some of the Old Testament, some of the New Testament, a Psalm and a Proverb. Currently, I am reading through Leviticus. I always used to get frustrated reading through this book because I felt like all it contained was a bunch of intense rules that no longer apply. I also, at times, couldn't believe that God really required some of those laws of his people. God really convicted me of that this time around. While it's still hard to read through it, my view has altered.

First, my view of God in this book has changed dramatically. The reason I feel the rules are so intense is because I'm not truly appreciating and recognizing the majesty and holiness of the God I serve. I sometimes get so caught up in God as my Father and God as my friend that I forget the sovereignty of God. I forget to be in complete awe of him. I am not jealous of the Israelites and all of the sacrifices and laws they needed to follow in order to enter into a relationship with God, but I do think I need to practice viewing God the way they did a little more often.

I was also convicted of how little joy and gratitude I feel towards Jesus when reading this book. Jesus is the reason we don't have to follow the old traditions! And rather than reading through this book with a thankful heart, I read it with a disgusted heart. I couldn't get past the animal killing, blood splattering, and complete condemnation of all sins that often resulted in death or being outcasted from the community. Again, that all goes back to my lack of recognizing the holiness of God. I was so convicted of the state of my heart reading through this. Ultimately, it caused me to think through what I am willing to do in order to be in a relationship with my Creator.

The Israelites, while far from perfect, were willing to follow these laws in order to worship their God. While I know some of the acts were common during those times, I'm sure it was not easy to follow the steps of sacrificing every time you disrespected your parents or touched an unclean animal. It would have been a lot easier to live a mediocre life apart from God. But they didn't (most of the time). It is so much easier now to enter into a relationship with God. And how do I show my gratitude? By indulging in the worldly things that I desire and asking for forgiveness later. By holding on to the things that I have deemed precious rather than giving it all up to God. Shouldn't the fact that God has bridged the gap cause me to want to live all the more passionately for Him?

As I was in the process of sifting through all of this, I listened to one of my Dad's sermons entitled, Total Abandon. Perfect timing, God. In it he talked about carrying the cross, the very symbol of the new relationship God made possible for us through Jesus. He asked, "What is the cost of the cross for you?" What is God asking me to abandon in order to carry my cross and follow him?

I'm not sure of the answer yet. But I know it involves carrying the cross daily rather than whenever I feel like it. So while I pray about what Jesus is asking me to abandon, I am also going to pray for an increasingly clearer picture of who God is. I don't want to focus on the sides that are easier to take in (i.e. the forgiving father). I want a complete picture of my God that brings me to my knees every time. So thank you, Leviticus for providing a picture of the majesty and holiness of the God we serve!

Radical Living

I've been reading Radical by David Platt. His book, or rather the way God is speaking to me through his book, is at times overwhelming to say the least. Each chapter leaves me more convicted, more broken for the lost, more in love with God, and more sure that I am too often missing out on God's purpose for my life.

To quote a dear friend, I am hearing an old joke, "Knock knock...who's there?...CONVICTION." after every page.

Today I read a chapter on God's global purpose. I have always felt like this is one thing I got right. I have a heart for the lost. More (or too) specifically, I have a heart for Myanmar.

Isn't that me fulfilling God's call to make disciples of the nations? I have always prayed that God's plan for my life will eventually lead me to Myanmar for an extended period of time. Until then all I can do is pray for Myanmar, visit as often as possible, and give of my money faithfully. Right?

Well after reading Platt's take on God's global purpose I feel overwhelmed with the conviction that I am missing the whole picture. Platt talks about how our purpose is to both enjoy his grace and extend his glory. I have been finding a whole lot of enjoyment in God's grace recently but have been saving the whole "extend his glory" part for when/if God sends me overseas. Because that's what he means, right? Extend his glory during short term or long term mission trips. Whoops, I think I got that part wrong.

Platt says the message of biblical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make him- his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness- known among all nations." If I were to make that statement fit my current view I would add- "...known among all nations...while you are serving there." There is no location requirement. There is no job requirement. This is a daily requirement. This is what my whole life should be molded around. I have been excusing the "make him known among all nations" part out of my life because I am letting myself believe I'm not a missionary yet. That's what I'll do once I pay off all my school loans! When nothing is holding me back I'll devote myself to making him known in all the nations. Until then, I'll just enjoy the fruit of his grace. I am disconnecting God's blessings from God's purpose.

So I guess I am ultimately feeling moved to change two different viewpoints that I have. The first is believing that I can't make disciples of all nations while in the current stage of my life. In the words of Platt, "...every single man, woman, and child...is intended to impact nations for the glory of Christ, and there is a God-designed way for us to live our lives here, and do church here, for the sake of people around the world who don't know Christ." So I feel challenged to examine my life and find out what it means for me to live for the glory of Christ in all nations from my apartment in Pittsburgh, PA.

The second viewpoint is equally difficult and convicting for me. As I mentioned above, and in previous posts I'm sure, I have a heart for Myanmar. I have a deep desire to see God made known in the lives of the people in Myanmar. I have a dream to one day adopt some of the children who have touched my heart in unimaginable ways.

In Romans 1:14-15 Paul (oh how I love Paul) essentially says he owes a debt to EVERY lost person in the world. Because he is owned by Christ, he owes Christ to the world. Selfishly, I want to only love Myanmar. I want to only love on the children at Agape. But in response to the overwhelming promptings from God after reading this chapter, I want the Lord to expand my heart. I want the Lord to break my heart for the world, not just Myanmar. I want to have a heart for the nations.

Platt put it best when he said, "Based on the purpose of God we've seen in scripture, shouldn't every Christian's heart be ultimately consumed with how we can make God's glory known in all the world?"

Myanmar will always hold a special place in my heart. And I still will keep the desire to one day adopt from Agape on my impossible prayer list. But I am also going to start praying that God breaks my heart for all nations. And that if one day God calls me to another nation, I will be able to say yes with the same excitement and passion as I would if he called me to Myanmar.

Agape

My dad is on his way to Myanmar with two other guys from Calvary. It is really hard to know that he is going to be at Agape for a week while I am stuck in snowy Pittsburgh. My sister and I both spent time writing letters for him to bring over to some of our favorite girls. We both left him messages for him to give, hugs to deliver, and health issues to check up on.

The country is more unstable than it has been in our past visits which is causing this trip to weigh a little more heavily on my heart. So I thought I'd take a minute to first celebrate the fact that Calvary yet again has an opportunity to bless Agape as well as the fact that students are graduating from the International Calvary Theological Seminary. And secondly, to ask you to pray for a few specific things as you read this.

So first the celebration! ICTS is a seminary that is preparing students to become missionaries. Whether that be through starting a church, traveling to areas that have not heard the word of God, or being sunday school teachers. While their goals are different- one thing is the same for each of these students- they are about to embark on a very hard yet rewarding journey. It's not exactly easy to be a missionary in Myanmar. With over 95% of the people in Myanmar practicing Buddhism, Christianity is by far the hated minority. These students are about to do an amazing thing and I am so glad that my dad will be there to celebrate with them and pray for them as they get sent out to spread the love of God to a people so in need of a Savior.

Whenever I think of Myanmar I can't help but think of the song, God of this City. I listened to it a lot while I was there last December and as a result I can't sing the song without thinking of driving through Yangon and its surrounding villages. I believe with all my heart that the God I worship is the God of Myanmar. And I pray that one day Myanmar will recognize him as such. Agape is doing awesome things in the name of God and people's lives are being changed as a result. I pray, and ask you to pray, that this will continue. Pray that the people of Myanmar would stop searching for fulfillment in the practice of Buddhism and would instead turn to God. That they would see the desperate love and worship the people at Agape pour on the Lord and that they would desire that kind of relationship. Pray for the government. (I selfishly also pray for adoption to be legalized...feel free to join my family in that prayer- it would result in the Nold family tripling:) )

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite pictures!

Till I Only Dwell in Thee

I sometimes find myself waiting for my life to turn into one of the perfect romantic comedies that I love to watch. I get so drawn into them. Really, I'd just love for my life to fast-forward to the part where the guy makes the dramatic gesture and they live happily ever after. I'm waiting to experience my great love story.

Recently, I've been feeling a soft tug on my heart, specifically during my "chick flick" down time. I tried to ignore it, but when God wants to reveal something, He has his way of continually showing himself. I was listening to a beautiful song by Brooke Fraser tonight, and the soft tug turned into an aching conviction.

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
Til' I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee

As I have been waiting to experience my great love story, God has been patiently waiting for me to realize it's with Him. He is my greatest love story. I've always been taught to believe that He is enough- and I partially believed that. But I've never lived as though he is all I need. I've always believed that I need someone in addition to him. He is more than all I need. And He is waiting to give me more love and grace than I could ever deserve. If that isn't a dramatic gesture, I don't know what is.

My solitary vision is that I only dwell in Thee. I am easily self absorbed and often find reasons to fill my time with things other than spending time in the presence of God and soaking in his word. But I recognize the fact that God created me for himself, he is my great love story. It's about time I started living as though my one ambition is to only dwell in Thee!


The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17

Listening

I haven't been sleeping well. In fact, I was actually craving the nights spent in Myanmar because of my perfectly reasonable excuse to consume (herbal) sleeping pills due to the barking dog and 12 hour time change.

I wasn't really sure why I couldn't sleep. I know it was partly due to my constant fear of sleeping through my 4 alarms and not getting to work on time. But it was something else too. I just had so much on my heart and on my mind that it seemed to get in the way of any peaceful sleep.

Today is my day off and I am currently enjoying panera, pandora, and the bible. I'm going through a reading plan right now- I want to read through the entire bible in the next year. I had gotten into the habit of only spending time in the word on my day off, so I thought having a daily reading laid out for me would help kick that horrible habit. I've loved it so far. I didn't realize how much I had been missing and craving time spent in the Word. It's too easily drowned out but earthly cravings (i.e. Chuck, Castle and Chocolate) which obviously only bring temporary satisfaction.

Today, one of my readings was in Proverbs. One verse in particular really stuck out to me- maybe because it was so far off from describing how my heart felt.

"But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease..." Proverbs 1:33

So simple, yet so hard to do! This is a verse I want to focus on...I want to listen to the Lord so I can dwell secure and be at ease. Not because listening to the Lord solves all of my problems or is the safest place to be, but because my problems belong at his feet and in Him is where I'm supposed to be! I am going try listening TO the Lord this week before I talk AT Him...and I have a crazy feeling that I might start sleeping better as a result:)

My Senior Girls

For the past 3 years I have had the great joy of meeting, playing, laughing, drinking coffee, and sharing life with a beautiful group of girls. I have watched them love well and heard them ask meaningful questions as they dig into the word. I have also watched their hearts break and watched as some of their choices led them to a life that's missing God as they try to find out who they are on their own. There have been times when my heart has swelled with pride and times where I want to lock them in a room and never let them out again. But the one thing that has never changed is how much I love that they are willing to share their lives with me and how desperate they are to figure out this whole God is number one thing.

This past weekend five of those girls made the decision to go through Leadership Advance at Calvary. As I spent the weekend coaching them, observing them, and crying with them, I couldn't help but dwell on how far they have come. These girls came to LA with the goal of finding out who they are in Christ and how he has called them to lead as they begin to enter the next stage of their lives. They heard his call for authentic faith and blew me away with their honesty with each other. They stayed up late dissecting their personalities and how best to love each girl. As each one of them shared personal struggles and what God was revealing to them over the weekend, the response each time was, "How can we help, how can we pray for you?" They broke down walls and finally found the freedom in being real and intentional with each other. That brings a smile to my face. How wonderful it is to have friends who will build you up, hold you accountable, and love you through it all. Girls- don't let that go!!

So girls- I know that it is so hard to be real and intentional with our friends- we believe we have this image of perfection to uphold. But all that is is a horrible lie from Satan that is keeping you from have an authentic friendship centered in Christ. I am so proud of how far you have come

and I pray that you will continue to explore how to maintain these intentional relationships through the busyness of

school and the scariness of transitioning to a new chapter in your lives. I know that God is going to use each of you in incredible ways- if you let him. So hold tight to him and treasure your friendships with each other. Continue to figure out how you can love each other well, and remind each other to see themselves how God sees each and every one of you.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

New Year Resolutions

I've never been one to make new year resolutions. Mostly because I know that within a month I'll forget about them entirely. So what's the point? I was going to avoid making any sort of "New Year" post, but here I am, posting anyway. I guess the importance of new year resolutions lies in its purpose. If its purpose is to satisfy my earthly longings- such as to be more fit (ha), eat better (no thanks), work harder, succeed in my job, get a raise- well there isn't much of an eternal purpose to that. So, in spite of the fear that I am going to forget these goals within a couple of months, I am going to make some resolutions for 2011. But aim at a higher purpose. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3:10:

For my determined purpose is that I may become progressively more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.
Philippians 3:10

I am realizing that I have not done much to accomplish this "determined purpose." So with this verse in mind, here is what I am praying for in 2011.

1. C.S. Lewis said, "Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours." I lived 2010 constantly dwelling on finances, accumulating more stuff, and saving for things that I can't bring with me once I leave this world. I want 2011 to be a giving year. I want to give like my parents give. I want to give with the knowledge that being in a financial situation where I can give is a blessing. I want giving to come before gaining.

2. I want to rediscover what it means to fall in love with Jesus. 2010 has been a growing year for me, but a lot of that growth came separately from my relationship with God, rather than because of it. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis (this is what happens when you follow him on Twitter...) that really grabbed me and unfortunately, defined me in a way I wish it didn't. "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance, the only thing it cannot be is moderately important." I so often treat my relationship with God as moderately important. I want it to be of infinite importance. That's scary. I know a lot will have to change in my heart and my life for that to happen. But I've been told it's worth it. I am so lucky to have people in my life who are attempting to do this same thing and who are more than willing to work at this alongside of me.

3. I want to experience a God story every single day. I don't often look for ways God is working in my life. I moved to Pittsburgh because I felt he was leading me there. I know that if I let Him, he will use me in unimaginable ways here. If I let Him. He can do it without me, and has been since I have been so wrapped up in settling in and figuring out how to be successful at my job. So in 2011, I want to look for God- and let Him use me if he so chooses.

4. Last C.S. Lewis quote, I promise. "We meet no ordinary people in our lives." I want to see the people around me the way God does. I want to be more intentional with the ones that continually show up in my life. Whether it be at work, in my apartment, or in the church I finally settle down in. I want to get to know their story, find ways to serve them, and love them the way God does. I want to let them teach me, rather than thinking I am the one with so much to give.

5. I want to read. I want to read the bible more. I want to read challenging books. I want to read books that teach me more about God. I want to read books that challenge my stubborn point of view on things. I used to read all the time. Maybe I'll even write a book of my own.

May your 2011 be filled with many God stories of your own!