Till I Only Dwell in Thee

I sometimes find myself waiting for my life to turn into one of the perfect romantic comedies that I love to watch. I get so drawn into them. Really, I'd just love for my life to fast-forward to the part where the guy makes the dramatic gesture and they live happily ever after. I'm waiting to experience my great love story.

Recently, I've been feeling a soft tug on my heart, specifically during my "chick flick" down time. I tried to ignore it, but when God wants to reveal something, He has his way of continually showing himself. I was listening to a beautiful song by Brooke Fraser tonight, and the soft tug turned into an aching conviction.

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
Til' I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee

As I have been waiting to experience my great love story, God has been patiently waiting for me to realize it's with Him. He is my greatest love story. I've always been taught to believe that He is enough- and I partially believed that. But I've never lived as though he is all I need. I've always believed that I need someone in addition to him. He is more than all I need. And He is waiting to give me more love and grace than I could ever deserve. If that isn't a dramatic gesture, I don't know what is.

My solitary vision is that I only dwell in Thee. I am easily self absorbed and often find reasons to fill my time with things other than spending time in the presence of God and soaking in his word. But I recognize the fact that God created me for himself, he is my great love story. It's about time I started living as though my one ambition is to only dwell in Thee!


The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17

Listening

I haven't been sleeping well. In fact, I was actually craving the nights spent in Myanmar because of my perfectly reasonable excuse to consume (herbal) sleeping pills due to the barking dog and 12 hour time change.

I wasn't really sure why I couldn't sleep. I know it was partly due to my constant fear of sleeping through my 4 alarms and not getting to work on time. But it was something else too. I just had so much on my heart and on my mind that it seemed to get in the way of any peaceful sleep.

Today is my day off and I am currently enjoying panera, pandora, and the bible. I'm going through a reading plan right now- I want to read through the entire bible in the next year. I had gotten into the habit of only spending time in the word on my day off, so I thought having a daily reading laid out for me would help kick that horrible habit. I've loved it so far. I didn't realize how much I had been missing and craving time spent in the Word. It's too easily drowned out but earthly cravings (i.e. Chuck, Castle and Chocolate) which obviously only bring temporary satisfaction.

Today, one of my readings was in Proverbs. One verse in particular really stuck out to me- maybe because it was so far off from describing how my heart felt.

"But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease..." Proverbs 1:33

So simple, yet so hard to do! This is a verse I want to focus on...I want to listen to the Lord so I can dwell secure and be at ease. Not because listening to the Lord solves all of my problems or is the safest place to be, but because my problems belong at his feet and in Him is where I'm supposed to be! I am going try listening TO the Lord this week before I talk AT Him...and I have a crazy feeling that I might start sleeping better as a result:)

My Senior Girls

For the past 3 years I have had the great joy of meeting, playing, laughing, drinking coffee, and sharing life with a beautiful group of girls. I have watched them love well and heard them ask meaningful questions as they dig into the word. I have also watched their hearts break and watched as some of their choices led them to a life that's missing God as they try to find out who they are on their own. There have been times when my heart has swelled with pride and times where I want to lock them in a room and never let them out again. But the one thing that has never changed is how much I love that they are willing to share their lives with me and how desperate they are to figure out this whole God is number one thing.

This past weekend five of those girls made the decision to go through Leadership Advance at Calvary. As I spent the weekend coaching them, observing them, and crying with them, I couldn't help but dwell on how far they have come. These girls came to LA with the goal of finding out who they are in Christ and how he has called them to lead as they begin to enter the next stage of their lives. They heard his call for authentic faith and blew me away with their honesty with each other. They stayed up late dissecting their personalities and how best to love each girl. As each one of them shared personal struggles and what God was revealing to them over the weekend, the response each time was, "How can we help, how can we pray for you?" They broke down walls and finally found the freedom in being real and intentional with each other. That brings a smile to my face. How wonderful it is to have friends who will build you up, hold you accountable, and love you through it all. Girls- don't let that go!!

So girls- I know that it is so hard to be real and intentional with our friends- we believe we have this image of perfection to uphold. But all that is is a horrible lie from Satan that is keeping you from have an authentic friendship centered in Christ. I am so proud of how far you have come

and I pray that you will continue to explore how to maintain these intentional relationships through the busyness of

school and the scariness of transitioning to a new chapter in your lives. I know that God is going to use each of you in incredible ways- if you let him. So hold tight to him and treasure your friendships with each other. Continue to figure out how you can love each other well, and remind each other to see themselves how God sees each and every one of you.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

New Year Resolutions

I've never been one to make new year resolutions. Mostly because I know that within a month I'll forget about them entirely. So what's the point? I was going to avoid making any sort of "New Year" post, but here I am, posting anyway. I guess the importance of new year resolutions lies in its purpose. If its purpose is to satisfy my earthly longings- such as to be more fit (ha), eat better (no thanks), work harder, succeed in my job, get a raise- well there isn't much of an eternal purpose to that. So, in spite of the fear that I am going to forget these goals within a couple of months, I am going to make some resolutions for 2011. But aim at a higher purpose. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3:10:

For my determined purpose is that I may become progressively more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.
Philippians 3:10

I am realizing that I have not done much to accomplish this "determined purpose." So with this verse in mind, here is what I am praying for in 2011.

1. C.S. Lewis said, "Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours." I lived 2010 constantly dwelling on finances, accumulating more stuff, and saving for things that I can't bring with me once I leave this world. I want 2011 to be a giving year. I want to give like my parents give. I want to give with the knowledge that being in a financial situation where I can give is a blessing. I want giving to come before gaining.

2. I want to rediscover what it means to fall in love with Jesus. 2010 has been a growing year for me, but a lot of that growth came separately from my relationship with God, rather than because of it. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis (this is what happens when you follow him on Twitter...) that really grabbed me and unfortunately, defined me in a way I wish it didn't. "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance, the only thing it cannot be is moderately important." I so often treat my relationship with God as moderately important. I want it to be of infinite importance. That's scary. I know a lot will have to change in my heart and my life for that to happen. But I've been told it's worth it. I am so lucky to have people in my life who are attempting to do this same thing and who are more than willing to work at this alongside of me.

3. I want to experience a God story every single day. I don't often look for ways God is working in my life. I moved to Pittsburgh because I felt he was leading me there. I know that if I let Him, he will use me in unimaginable ways here. If I let Him. He can do it without me, and has been since I have been so wrapped up in settling in and figuring out how to be successful at my job. So in 2011, I want to look for God- and let Him use me if he so chooses.

4. Last C.S. Lewis quote, I promise. "We meet no ordinary people in our lives." I want to see the people around me the way God does. I want to be more intentional with the ones that continually show up in my life. Whether it be at work, in my apartment, or in the church I finally settle down in. I want to get to know their story, find ways to serve them, and love them the way God does. I want to let them teach me, rather than thinking I am the one with so much to give.

5. I want to read. I want to read the bible more. I want to read challenging books. I want to read books that teach me more about God. I want to read books that challenge my stubborn point of view on things. I used to read all the time. Maybe I'll even write a book of my own.

May your 2011 be filled with many God stories of your own!