Listening

I haven't been sleeping well. In fact, I was actually craving the nights spent in Myanmar because of my perfectly reasonable excuse to consume (herbal) sleeping pills due to the barking dog and 12 hour time change.

I wasn't really sure why I couldn't sleep. I know it was partly due to my constant fear of sleeping through my 4 alarms and not getting to work on time. But it was something else too. I just had so much on my heart and on my mind that it seemed to get in the way of any peaceful sleep.

Today is my day off and I am currently enjoying panera, pandora, and the bible. I'm going through a reading plan right now- I want to read through the entire bible in the next year. I had gotten into the habit of only spending time in the word on my day off, so I thought having a daily reading laid out for me would help kick that horrible habit. I've loved it so far. I didn't realize how much I had been missing and craving time spent in the Word. It's too easily drowned out but earthly cravings (i.e. Chuck, Castle and Chocolate) which obviously only bring temporary satisfaction.

Today, one of my readings was in Proverbs. One verse in particular really stuck out to me- maybe because it was so far off from describing how my heart felt.

"But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease..." Proverbs 1:33

So simple, yet so hard to do! This is a verse I want to focus on...I want to listen to the Lord so I can dwell secure and be at ease. Not because listening to the Lord solves all of my problems or is the safest place to be, but because my problems belong at his feet and in Him is where I'm supposed to be! I am going try listening TO the Lord this week before I talk AT Him...and I have a crazy feeling that I might start sleeping better as a result:)

My Senior Girls

For the past 3 years I have had the great joy of meeting, playing, laughing, drinking coffee, and sharing life with a beautiful group of girls. I have watched them love well and heard them ask meaningful questions as they dig into the word. I have also watched their hearts break and watched as some of their choices led them to a life that's missing God as they try to find out who they are on their own. There have been times when my heart has swelled with pride and times where I want to lock them in a room and never let them out again. But the one thing that has never changed is how much I love that they are willing to share their lives with me and how desperate they are to figure out this whole God is number one thing.

This past weekend five of those girls made the decision to go through Leadership Advance at Calvary. As I spent the weekend coaching them, observing them, and crying with them, I couldn't help but dwell on how far they have come. These girls came to LA with the goal of finding out who they are in Christ and how he has called them to lead as they begin to enter the next stage of their lives. They heard his call for authentic faith and blew me away with their honesty with each other. They stayed up late dissecting their personalities and how best to love each girl. As each one of them shared personal struggles and what God was revealing to them over the weekend, the response each time was, "How can we help, how can we pray for you?" They broke down walls and finally found the freedom in being real and intentional with each other. That brings a smile to my face. How wonderful it is to have friends who will build you up, hold you accountable, and love you through it all. Girls- don't let that go!!

So girls- I know that it is so hard to be real and intentional with our friends- we believe we have this image of perfection to uphold. But all that is is a horrible lie from Satan that is keeping you from have an authentic friendship centered in Christ. I am so proud of how far you have come

and I pray that you will continue to explore how to maintain these intentional relationships through the busyness of

school and the scariness of transitioning to a new chapter in your lives. I know that God is going to use each of you in incredible ways- if you let him. So hold tight to him and treasure your friendships with each other. Continue to figure out how you can love each other well, and remind each other to see themselves how God sees each and every one of you.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

New Year Resolutions

I've never been one to make new year resolutions. Mostly because I know that within a month I'll forget about them entirely. So what's the point? I was going to avoid making any sort of "New Year" post, but here I am, posting anyway. I guess the importance of new year resolutions lies in its purpose. If its purpose is to satisfy my earthly longings- such as to be more fit (ha), eat better (no thanks), work harder, succeed in my job, get a raise- well there isn't much of an eternal purpose to that. So, in spite of the fear that I am going to forget these goals within a couple of months, I am going to make some resolutions for 2011. But aim at a higher purpose. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3:10:

For my determined purpose is that I may become progressively more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.
Philippians 3:10

I am realizing that I have not done much to accomplish this "determined purpose." So with this verse in mind, here is what I am praying for in 2011.

1. C.S. Lewis said, "Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours." I lived 2010 constantly dwelling on finances, accumulating more stuff, and saving for things that I can't bring with me once I leave this world. I want 2011 to be a giving year. I want to give like my parents give. I want to give with the knowledge that being in a financial situation where I can give is a blessing. I want giving to come before gaining.

2. I want to rediscover what it means to fall in love with Jesus. 2010 has been a growing year for me, but a lot of that growth came separately from my relationship with God, rather than because of it. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis (this is what happens when you follow him on Twitter...) that really grabbed me and unfortunately, defined me in a way I wish it didn't. "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance, the only thing it cannot be is moderately important." I so often treat my relationship with God as moderately important. I want it to be of infinite importance. That's scary. I know a lot will have to change in my heart and my life for that to happen. But I've been told it's worth it. I am so lucky to have people in my life who are attempting to do this same thing and who are more than willing to work at this alongside of me.

3. I want to experience a God story every single day. I don't often look for ways God is working in my life. I moved to Pittsburgh because I felt he was leading me there. I know that if I let Him, he will use me in unimaginable ways here. If I let Him. He can do it without me, and has been since I have been so wrapped up in settling in and figuring out how to be successful at my job. So in 2011, I want to look for God- and let Him use me if he so chooses.

4. Last C.S. Lewis quote, I promise. "We meet no ordinary people in our lives." I want to see the people around me the way God does. I want to be more intentional with the ones that continually show up in my life. Whether it be at work, in my apartment, or in the church I finally settle down in. I want to get to know their story, find ways to serve them, and love them the way God does. I want to let them teach me, rather than thinking I am the one with so much to give.

5. I want to read. I want to read the bible more. I want to read challenging books. I want to read books that teach me more about God. I want to read books that challenge my stubborn point of view on things. I used to read all the time. Maybe I'll even write a book of my own.

May your 2011 be filled with many God stories of your own!

Adore

I love Christmas music. I have a playlist on my ipod dedicated solely to Christmas music…and it has been on repeat since mid-November. Last Sunday I went to a church in Pittsburgh. We sang a few Christmas songs. I had almost forgotten how much better it is to sing Christmas songs in church instead of in my car on the way to work. There is something almost magical and entirely holy about singing songs about Jesus’ birth with other believers.

In my car, with my ipod, it’s pretty easy to get lost in singing my favorite songs, and forget the meaning behind them. Forget the fact that these songs are all about the night that started our story of redemption- songs that sing about the birth of a King who ultimately died for the sins of the world. Pretty powerful songs.

As I was marveling at this, we started to sing "Oh Come all Ye Faithful". Part way into it, we stopped as someone shared what was on her heart. She asked us to sing, "Oh come let us adore Him" with an image in our hearts. An image of us bringing a gift this Christmas to our Lord whom we adore.

I could easily imagine giving God a gift- I could picture a beautifully wrapped box with a big bow on it. But I couldn't picture what was inside the box. What do I have that God wants? What gift could I possibly give him?

The definition of adore is to "pay devine honor to" or "love intensely". What would show my intense love? What could I give that would pay devine honor to?

I started thinking of other things I adore- how tightly I hold on to them. I adore having control in my life. I adore succeeding in my job. I adore my family and my friends. I adore Myanmar. Not all of these are bad things, but when I think of what I should be paying devine honor to, none of these come to mind. I think adore has become one of those words we use too easily. God is the only one I should be paying devine honor to.

So this Christmas season, I am going to Adore the Lord by putting Him in His rightful place in my life. He will be the sole thing my heart adores. What do you find your heart adoring this holiday season?

Oh come, let us adore HIM alone!

Come Thirsty

It is currently raining in Sewickley. I am camped out in a Brugger's in downtown Sewickley and prolonging my stay as much as possible due to the fact that my umbrella is currently in my car. Great planning.

It seems rather fitting that the book I brought along with me to Brugger's is "Come Thirsty" by Max Lucado. What a stellar author- one of my favorites. I honestly can't remember where I got this book or when it made it's way to my shelf. But I am glad it did. It seemed to appear just when I needed to hear the words. Come Thirsty. As I started to read this book, I began to realize just how thirsty I was, spiritually.

Lucado compared physical thirst to spiritual thirst in a way that really hit me. Something so basic but just not something I ever bothered to dwell on. When we are thirsty, we drink water. While drinking water, we don't need to explain to the water which areas of our body we need it to penetrate. It knows. Jesus knows the same! He doesn't need my directions, but he needs my permission. Jesus won't come unless swallowed.

Immediately a picture came to mind of a child pursing their lips together and refusing to drink or eat what is being given to them. Then I realized how often I do that with the water Jesus so freely gives. My spirit has been restless lately, and I am sometimes overcome with feelings of loneliness. I chalked that up to it being so difficult being away from family and friends during the holiday season. But the truth is, I need to let Jesus penetrate my heart, be the water to my soul if I ever want to remove the restlessness in my spirit.

It's not that I don't want to drink in the Lord, I just so often let other things get in the way. So here is my new goal- to drink in the Lord as often as I drink in coffee. To stand outside in the pouring rain with my mouth open taking in as much water as possible- in a spiritual sense of course.

I hope you take time out of your day to drink in the water Jesus is offering us. If you do, you are sure to be satisfied.


On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" John 7:37-38

Finding Reasons to be Thankful in the areas I'm not so Thankful for

It's easy for me to forget that last week was Thanksgiving. Working in retail, the Thanksgiving holiday is easily overshadowed by Black Friday (or Green Friday to the retail world..). The week prior to Thanksgiving is filled with anticipation for Black Friday, Wednesday is all about the final prep, and then before I have time to really enjoy Thanksgiving, it's 4am and Black Friday is upon us.

Working in retail, it's really easy during the holiday season to find things to not be thankful for, such as angry guests who threaten to call all the local news stations when you inform them that we are sold out of the xbox we are promoting in our ad (true story). But I am determined to not let the not so pretty side of the holiday season to ruin the joy that can be found in the reason for the season. I just was really unsure how that was going to be possible.

On Sunday I tried out a new church with my friend (yes, a friend!!) Robin. It was a smaller church, a new site that came out of a much bigger church. It only started about a year ago. The worship was good, the Pastor gave a good message via video (reminded me of Calvary:) ). But it was the words of the Campus Pastor as he prepared us for communion that really hit me. He said that coming out of the Thanksgiving holiday he was sure we each had a lot to be thankful for. BUT he wanted us to dwell on something we weren't thankful for- someone who really rubbed us the wrong way, something or someone that was a thorn in our sides, a financial situation, a hard job. He wanted us to dwell on that, and then find a reason to be thankful for that thorn. Woof! It was a convicting thought, and something I want to put to practice now. So here is a small list of some of the things I find myself complaining to God about daily and my thoughts on how I can be thankful for them.

1. Being so far from my friends and family. Not something I find myself thanking God for daily. But here is what I am thankful for in spite of this. I am thankful that the distance has not caused my friendships to die. I am thankful that

my friends are still intentional. I am thankful that the reason we are separated now is because God has called us to different places and we heard and obeyed. I am thankful that my mom is willing to come up for a few days just to spend time with me...and clean! I am thankful that eventually my brother will get over his fear of driving in the city in order to come visit me with Josh. I am thankful that living near the Pittsburgh airport means my family and friends will include staying with me a night in their travel plans. I am thankful that distance does not erase a support group. I am thankful that the distance makes our reunions that much more fun and special.

2. Grown-up job= no myanmar this year. It is really hard to be thankful for the fact that I have a job when it is limiting my ability to travel to see both my immediate family and those who have come to be my family in Myanmar. But here is what I am thankful for in spite of this. First, I am thankful for the fact that my family is willing to give up their comfortable home to sleep on the floor in my apartment in order to spend Thanksgiving with me. Second, I am thankful that while it is hard to not be able to visit Agape Orphanage this year, we are still given a chance to bless them this holiday season. I am thankful we have a way to give them money. I am thankful for the people who have made the decision to bless Agape through giving this holiday season. And I am thankful that even if I were to never visit Agape again, I can hold onto the promise that I will see them one day in Heaven.

3. Living alone...in Pittsburgh. It is quite a transition to go from living with 5 other beautiful girls and having many more live just down the street, to living alone in a new city. It's hard to be thankful for the constant quiet of my apartment and for the lack of companionship as I explore a new city. But there are reasons to be thankful. I am

thankful that the extra quiet brings more time to be quiet with God. I am thankful that a new city brings new opportunities to get involved in a new church, or new small group. I am thankful that I am still friends with the girls I lived with. I am thankful that living apart means we now have more places to visit- new homes to stay in. Mostly, I am so thankful for the time I got to spend living with them and for the ways God blessed us, stretched us, and laughed with us.

Oh give thanks to the Lord for He is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! Psalm 107:1

Agape

For the past two years, I have spent a portion of the Christmas season in a place near and dear to my heart- Myanmar. This year, a trip is not possible. My heart hurts knowing I won't be able to see the smiling faces of all the beautiful children at Agape Orphanage this year.

For those of you who don't know, Agape Orphanage has been supported by Calvary for a number of years now. My family has been blessed with the amazing opportunity to go on a few different trips to stay at the Orphanage. No one has grabbed my heart more than all of the children I get to play with on those visits. No city, no country has burdened my heart more and called me to more passionate prayer. Myanmar needs Jesus, and it has been so cool to witness first hand the ways He is starting to reveal himself to a hurting people.

I learn a lot during every visit, but there is one thing that continually grabs me-

their desperate need for God. The people at Agape passionately seek God because he is all they have. They have no distractions, nothing to replace God with in order to experience momentary pleasures. He's it. And they live in that truth.

I was struggling with the fact that I won't be able to go to Myanmar this year. Nothing has brought me more joy than bringing them gifts and praising our King together during the holiday season. But recently, we found out that Agape is in desperate need of funds. They don't have enough money to buy food for the next two months. That makes anything you were recently worrying about seem so trivial, doesn't it?

I wholeheartedly believe that God has a plan for Agape. I believe He is going to use them in powerful ways to reveal

Himself to their people, and to restore the hearts of the lost. I want to get in on that! Don't you? We are a country that has been richly and abundantly blessed...why not share some of that blessing this holiday season? Whether it is through passionate prayer, spreading the word to others, or giving money, would you consider getting involved in God's plans for Myanmar? If not Myanmar, than I encourage you to pray about where God is calling you to give this holiday season. Because I can guarantee it will bring a heavenly kind of Joy that simply putting gifts under your tree can't bring!