Finding Conviction in...Leviticus?

In January I started a one year Bible reading plan. Each day I read some of the Old Testament, some of the New Testament, a Psalm and a Proverb. Currently, I am reading through Leviticus. I always used to get frustrated reading through this book because I felt like all it contained was a bunch of intense rules that no longer apply. I also, at times, couldn't believe that God really required some of those laws of his people. God really convicted me of that this time around. While it's still hard to read through it, my view has altered.

First, my view of God in this book has changed dramatically. The reason I feel the rules are so intense is because I'm not truly appreciating and recognizing the majesty and holiness of the God I serve. I sometimes get so caught up in God as my Father and God as my friend that I forget the sovereignty of God. I forget to be in complete awe of him. I am not jealous of the Israelites and all of the sacrifices and laws they needed to follow in order to enter into a relationship with God, but I do think I need to practice viewing God the way they did a little more often.

I was also convicted of how little joy and gratitude I feel towards Jesus when reading this book. Jesus is the reason we don't have to follow the old traditions! And rather than reading through this book with a thankful heart, I read it with a disgusted heart. I couldn't get past the animal killing, blood splattering, and complete condemnation of all sins that often resulted in death or being outcasted from the community. Again, that all goes back to my lack of recognizing the holiness of God. I was so convicted of the state of my heart reading through this. Ultimately, it caused me to think through what I am willing to do in order to be in a relationship with my Creator.

The Israelites, while far from perfect, were willing to follow these laws in order to worship their God. While I know some of the acts were common during those times, I'm sure it was not easy to follow the steps of sacrificing every time you disrespected your parents or touched an unclean animal. It would have been a lot easier to live a mediocre life apart from God. But they didn't (most of the time). It is so much easier now to enter into a relationship with God. And how do I show my gratitude? By indulging in the worldly things that I desire and asking for forgiveness later. By holding on to the things that I have deemed precious rather than giving it all up to God. Shouldn't the fact that God has bridged the gap cause me to want to live all the more passionately for Him?

As I was in the process of sifting through all of this, I listened to one of my Dad's sermons entitled, Total Abandon. Perfect timing, God. In it he talked about carrying the cross, the very symbol of the new relationship God made possible for us through Jesus. He asked, "What is the cost of the cross for you?" What is God asking me to abandon in order to carry my cross and follow him?

I'm not sure of the answer yet. But I know it involves carrying the cross daily rather than whenever I feel like it. So while I pray about what Jesus is asking me to abandon, I am also going to pray for an increasingly clearer picture of who God is. I don't want to focus on the sides that are easier to take in (i.e. the forgiving father). I want a complete picture of my God that brings me to my knees every time. So thank you, Leviticus for providing a picture of the majesty and holiness of the God we serve!

Radical Living

I've been reading Radical by David Platt. His book, or rather the way God is speaking to me through his book, is at times overwhelming to say the least. Each chapter leaves me more convicted, more broken for the lost, more in love with God, and more sure that I am too often missing out on God's purpose for my life.

To quote a dear friend, I am hearing an old joke, "Knock knock...who's there?...CONVICTION." after every page.

Today I read a chapter on God's global purpose. I have always felt like this is one thing I got right. I have a heart for the lost. More (or too) specifically, I have a heart for Myanmar.

Isn't that me fulfilling God's call to make disciples of the nations? I have always prayed that God's plan for my life will eventually lead me to Myanmar for an extended period of time. Until then all I can do is pray for Myanmar, visit as often as possible, and give of my money faithfully. Right?

Well after reading Platt's take on God's global purpose I feel overwhelmed with the conviction that I am missing the whole picture. Platt talks about how our purpose is to both enjoy his grace and extend his glory. I have been finding a whole lot of enjoyment in God's grace recently but have been saving the whole "extend his glory" part for when/if God sends me overseas. Because that's what he means, right? Extend his glory during short term or long term mission trips. Whoops, I think I got that part wrong.

Platt says the message of biblical Christianity is "God loves me so that I might make him- his ways, his salvation, his glory, and his greatness- known among all nations." If I were to make that statement fit my current view I would add- "...known among all nations...while you are serving there." There is no location requirement. There is no job requirement. This is a daily requirement. This is what my whole life should be molded around. I have been excusing the "make him known among all nations" part out of my life because I am letting myself believe I'm not a missionary yet. That's what I'll do once I pay off all my school loans! When nothing is holding me back I'll devote myself to making him known in all the nations. Until then, I'll just enjoy the fruit of his grace. I am disconnecting God's blessings from God's purpose.

So I guess I am ultimately feeling moved to change two different viewpoints that I have. The first is believing that I can't make disciples of all nations while in the current stage of my life. In the words of Platt, "...every single man, woman, and child...is intended to impact nations for the glory of Christ, and there is a God-designed way for us to live our lives here, and do church here, for the sake of people around the world who don't know Christ." So I feel challenged to examine my life and find out what it means for me to live for the glory of Christ in all nations from my apartment in Pittsburgh, PA.

The second viewpoint is equally difficult and convicting for me. As I mentioned above, and in previous posts I'm sure, I have a heart for Myanmar. I have a deep desire to see God made known in the lives of the people in Myanmar. I have a dream to one day adopt some of the children who have touched my heart in unimaginable ways.

In Romans 1:14-15 Paul (oh how I love Paul) essentially says he owes a debt to EVERY lost person in the world. Because he is owned by Christ, he owes Christ to the world. Selfishly, I want to only love Myanmar. I want to only love on the children at Agape. But in response to the overwhelming promptings from God after reading this chapter, I want the Lord to expand my heart. I want the Lord to break my heart for the world, not just Myanmar. I want to have a heart for the nations.

Platt put it best when he said, "Based on the purpose of God we've seen in scripture, shouldn't every Christian's heart be ultimately consumed with how we can make God's glory known in all the world?"

Myanmar will always hold a special place in my heart. And I still will keep the desire to one day adopt from Agape on my impossible prayer list. But I am also going to start praying that God breaks my heart for all nations. And that if one day God calls me to another nation, I will be able to say yes with the same excitement and passion as I would if he called me to Myanmar.

Agape

My dad is on his way to Myanmar with two other guys from Calvary. It is really hard to know that he is going to be at Agape for a week while I am stuck in snowy Pittsburgh. My sister and I both spent time writing letters for him to bring over to some of our favorite girls. We both left him messages for him to give, hugs to deliver, and health issues to check up on.

The country is more unstable than it has been in our past visits which is causing this trip to weigh a little more heavily on my heart. So I thought I'd take a minute to first celebrate the fact that Calvary yet again has an opportunity to bless Agape as well as the fact that students are graduating from the International Calvary Theological Seminary. And secondly, to ask you to pray for a few specific things as you read this.

So first the celebration! ICTS is a seminary that is preparing students to become missionaries. Whether that be through starting a church, traveling to areas that have not heard the word of God, or being sunday school teachers. While their goals are different- one thing is the same for each of these students- they are about to embark on a very hard yet rewarding journey. It's not exactly easy to be a missionary in Myanmar. With over 95% of the people in Myanmar practicing Buddhism, Christianity is by far the hated minority. These students are about to do an amazing thing and I am so glad that my dad will be there to celebrate with them and pray for them as they get sent out to spread the love of God to a people so in need of a Savior.

Whenever I think of Myanmar I can't help but think of the song, God of this City. I listened to it a lot while I was there last December and as a result I can't sing the song without thinking of driving through Yangon and its surrounding villages. I believe with all my heart that the God I worship is the God of Myanmar. And I pray that one day Myanmar will recognize him as such. Agape is doing awesome things in the name of God and people's lives are being changed as a result. I pray, and ask you to pray, that this will continue. Pray that the people of Myanmar would stop searching for fulfillment in the practice of Buddhism and would instead turn to God. That they would see the desperate love and worship the people at Agape pour on the Lord and that they would desire that kind of relationship. Pray for the government. (I selfishly also pray for adoption to be legalized...feel free to join my family in that prayer- it would result in the Nold family tripling:) )

I'll leave you with a few of my favorite pictures!

Till I Only Dwell in Thee

I sometimes find myself waiting for my life to turn into one of the perfect romantic comedies that I love to watch. I get so drawn into them. Really, I'd just love for my life to fast-forward to the part where the guy makes the dramatic gesture and they live happily ever after. I'm waiting to experience my great love story.

Recently, I've been feeling a soft tug on my heart, specifically during my "chick flick" down time. I tried to ignore it, but when God wants to reveal something, He has his way of continually showing himself. I was listening to a beautiful song by Brooke Fraser tonight, and the soft tug turned into an aching conviction.

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
Til' I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee

As I have been waiting to experience my great love story, God has been patiently waiting for me to realize it's with Him. He is my greatest love story. I've always been taught to believe that He is enough- and I partially believed that. But I've never lived as though he is all I need. I've always believed that I need someone in addition to him. He is more than all I need. And He is waiting to give me more love and grace than I could ever deserve. If that isn't a dramatic gesture, I don't know what is.

My solitary vision is that I only dwell in Thee. I am easily self absorbed and often find reasons to fill my time with things other than spending time in the presence of God and soaking in his word. But I recognize the fact that God created me for himself, he is my great love story. It's about time I started living as though my one ambition is to only dwell in Thee!


The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" Zephaniah 3:17

Listening

I haven't been sleeping well. In fact, I was actually craving the nights spent in Myanmar because of my perfectly reasonable excuse to consume (herbal) sleeping pills due to the barking dog and 12 hour time change.

I wasn't really sure why I couldn't sleep. I know it was partly due to my constant fear of sleeping through my 4 alarms and not getting to work on time. But it was something else too. I just had so much on my heart and on my mind that it seemed to get in the way of any peaceful sleep.

Today is my day off and I am currently enjoying panera, pandora, and the bible. I'm going through a reading plan right now- I want to read through the entire bible in the next year. I had gotten into the habit of only spending time in the word on my day off, so I thought having a daily reading laid out for me would help kick that horrible habit. I've loved it so far. I didn't realize how much I had been missing and craving time spent in the Word. It's too easily drowned out but earthly cravings (i.e. Chuck, Castle and Chocolate) which obviously only bring temporary satisfaction.

Today, one of my readings was in Proverbs. One verse in particular really stuck out to me- maybe because it was so far off from describing how my heart felt.

"But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease..." Proverbs 1:33

So simple, yet so hard to do! This is a verse I want to focus on...I want to listen to the Lord so I can dwell secure and be at ease. Not because listening to the Lord solves all of my problems or is the safest place to be, but because my problems belong at his feet and in Him is where I'm supposed to be! I am going try listening TO the Lord this week before I talk AT Him...and I have a crazy feeling that I might start sleeping better as a result:)

My Senior Girls

For the past 3 years I have had the great joy of meeting, playing, laughing, drinking coffee, and sharing life with a beautiful group of girls. I have watched them love well and heard them ask meaningful questions as they dig into the word. I have also watched their hearts break and watched as some of their choices led them to a life that's missing God as they try to find out who they are on their own. There have been times when my heart has swelled with pride and times where I want to lock them in a room and never let them out again. But the one thing that has never changed is how much I love that they are willing to share their lives with me and how desperate they are to figure out this whole God is number one thing.

This past weekend five of those girls made the decision to go through Leadership Advance at Calvary. As I spent the weekend coaching them, observing them, and crying with them, I couldn't help but dwell on how far they have come. These girls came to LA with the goal of finding out who they are in Christ and how he has called them to lead as they begin to enter the next stage of their lives. They heard his call for authentic faith and blew me away with their honesty with each other. They stayed up late dissecting their personalities and how best to love each girl. As each one of them shared personal struggles and what God was revealing to them over the weekend, the response each time was, "How can we help, how can we pray for you?" They broke down walls and finally found the freedom in being real and intentional with each other. That brings a smile to my face. How wonderful it is to have friends who will build you up, hold you accountable, and love you through it all. Girls- don't let that go!!

So girls- I know that it is so hard to be real and intentional with our friends- we believe we have this image of perfection to uphold. But all that is is a horrible lie from Satan that is keeping you from have an authentic friendship centered in Christ. I am so proud of how far you have come

and I pray that you will continue to explore how to maintain these intentional relationships through the busyness of

school and the scariness of transitioning to a new chapter in your lives. I know that God is going to use each of you in incredible ways- if you let him. So hold tight to him and treasure your friendships with each other. Continue to figure out how you can love each other well, and remind each other to see themselves how God sees each and every one of you.

"The king is enthralled by your beauty. Honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

New Year Resolutions

I've never been one to make new year resolutions. Mostly because I know that within a month I'll forget about them entirely. So what's the point? I was going to avoid making any sort of "New Year" post, but here I am, posting anyway. I guess the importance of new year resolutions lies in its purpose. If its purpose is to satisfy my earthly longings- such as to be more fit (ha), eat better (no thanks), work harder, succeed in my job, get a raise- well there isn't much of an eternal purpose to that. So, in spite of the fear that I am going to forget these goals within a couple of months, I am going to make some resolutions for 2011. But aim at a higher purpose. One of my favorite verses is Philippians 3:10:

For my determined purpose is that I may become progressively more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly.
Philippians 3:10

I am realizing that I have not done much to accomplish this "determined purpose." So with this verse in mind, here is what I am praying for in 2011.

1. C.S. Lewis said, "Nothing that you have not given away will ever really be yours." I lived 2010 constantly dwelling on finances, accumulating more stuff, and saving for things that I can't bring with me once I leave this world. I want 2011 to be a giving year. I want to give like my parents give. I want to give with the knowledge that being in a financial situation where I can give is a blessing. I want giving to come before gaining.

2. I want to rediscover what it means to fall in love with Jesus. 2010 has been a growing year for me, but a lot of that growth came separately from my relationship with God, rather than because of it. I read a quote by C.S. Lewis (this is what happens when you follow him on Twitter...) that really grabbed me and unfortunately, defined me in a way I wish it didn't. "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance, the only thing it cannot be is moderately important." I so often treat my relationship with God as moderately important. I want it to be of infinite importance. That's scary. I know a lot will have to change in my heart and my life for that to happen. But I've been told it's worth it. I am so lucky to have people in my life who are attempting to do this same thing and who are more than willing to work at this alongside of me.

3. I want to experience a God story every single day. I don't often look for ways God is working in my life. I moved to Pittsburgh because I felt he was leading me there. I know that if I let Him, he will use me in unimaginable ways here. If I let Him. He can do it without me, and has been since I have been so wrapped up in settling in and figuring out how to be successful at my job. So in 2011, I want to look for God- and let Him use me if he so chooses.

4. Last C.S. Lewis quote, I promise. "We meet no ordinary people in our lives." I want to see the people around me the way God does. I want to be more intentional with the ones that continually show up in my life. Whether it be at work, in my apartment, or in the church I finally settle down in. I want to get to know their story, find ways to serve them, and love them the way God does. I want to let them teach me, rather than thinking I am the one with so much to give.

5. I want to read. I want to read the bible more. I want to read challenging books. I want to read books that teach me more about God. I want to read books that challenge my stubborn point of view on things. I used to read all the time. Maybe I'll even write a book of my own.

May your 2011 be filled with many God stories of your own!