God (Good) Plans for 2012

I don't really make a habit out of writing new year resolutions. Mostly because I do a horrible job of keeping them. I do however, find ringing in the new year a perfect time to make a list of all the things I am thankful for.

 Last summer, our family went to St. Croix. We spent most nights on a second level deck, looking at all of the stars. One of the nights, our parents asked us to talk about 1-2 characteristics or values that we felt defined our family, or that we thought our parents tried to instil in us. One of the main values we talked about was gratitude. While I don't always model this, I can see how much importance my parents put in having an attitude of gratitude. Hence, the gratitude list of 2011! Not a comprehensive list, but just some of the highlights (in no particular order):

 Spending a long weekend in Minnesota with Katy, Jake, and Josh. So thankful for the time we get to spend together ...(especially now that we are a little older, more mature, and not in competition with each other 100% of the time) I love them!

Visiting Betsy in Miami with Lauren. It was wonderful to see where Betsy lives and the friends she has made and to spend some quality time with dear friends.

 Going to Saint Croix with my family. With Katy and Jake in Minnesota and me in Pittsburgh, we are limited in our family time. It was so great to spend a week with them, especially on a beautiful island! I have been blessed with a sometimes borderline insane, wonderful, hilarious family. 




Finding a small group in Pittsburgh. It's not easy to balance a crazy workload and a social life, and I am so thankful that God brought me to a wonderful group of people wanting to find fellowship and learn more about God.

Starting off the year watching my bible study girls grow, cry, laugh, and be vulnerable with each other at Leadership Advance. Then continuing to watch them grow in their friendships as God became not only present, but foundational in their relationships with each other. Ending the year hearing all the things God is teaching them as Freshmen in college! I have loved seeing them grow into beautiful young women of God who are going to touch the lives of many and do much for the kingdom of God!

 Time spent with my friends. Most often, due to weddings, I have really appreciated the time I have been given to catch up with this wonderful group of people!

Time spent at home during Christmas. With the craziness of retail, it is really easy to get caught up in work and long hours. Even though it didn't feel like a lot, I really enjoyed and treasured the time I was able to spend at 1197 with friends and family! What a perfect way to end the year.

 Finally, I am so thankful that God is walking into yet another new year with me. This past year was a challenging one. It was a year filled with God stretching me and with me often refusing to be stretched. It was filled with tears, hope, frustration, doubt, anxiousness, joy, and blessings I sometimes almost missed. I still have a lot to learn. I still have a lot of growing. I still struggle with fear and uncertainty about what is to come. But I am thankful that going into 2012, I am choosing to hand that over to God. I may not know what is in store this next year, but God does. He knows the plans he has for me, and they are GOOD. He knows the plans he has for you and they are GOOD plans. So as you make plans for 2012, with or without resolutions, carve in some time with our creator. Find fullness of joy in his presence, be still, cease striving, know that He is God. Take time to thank him, for the year we just finished, the year ahead, and the fact that through it all, he has had a plan, and he has not left our side!

A Fixed Gaze

It has been a busy couple of months, and in the retail world, it's only the beginning! In addition to preparing for the holiday season (can't believe it's already November), I've been going through a lot of change both personally and professionally. I've been feeling pretty good about it. I've finally found a small group that I love and people that I'm starting to connect with. I am enjoying my work, and doing some pretty cool things with the company. I've felt pretty good about myself. (As if I've had anything to do with the success I've recently experienced!)

I have been going through the interview process at work in order to eventually get promoted to another HR position. You have to go through quite a few rounds of interviews! Through a series of circumstances, God really brought me to my knees. While I passed my first round of interviews, the second round got moved from November to February. God needed to remind me that He is in control, not me. That his plan is perfect, not mine. Not a fun lesson to be reminded of. I spent a couple of emotional days not understanding why the perfect timing I had planned out in my head wasn't working out. I cried a lot of tears and placed a lot of blame. In my typical dramatic way, I saw it as the end of the world.

It's only been a couple of weeks since my interviews and I have already seen so many blessings from it. God certainly works in mysterious yet awesome ways. I have also started to dig deep in the mess of my heart and work through my sinful tendency to make my own plans and dream up my own life purpose. I came across a challenging verse in Isaiah and as I was reading it, I really felt God saying that this needs to define me. Am I willing to change where my eyes are focused?

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on you."
Isaiah 26:3

My gaze had been inward. My gaze had been fixed on finding success and purpose in my job. It is so easy to fix our gaze on worldly things. I do it without even realizing it! But I don't want that to define me. I don't want to look for peace in my own purpose. Where or what is your gaze fixed on? I wonder how much we miss out on because of our selfish gaze. God's purpose is so much bigger and I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than his purpose and his perfect peace.

I came across a quote that I think words what our prayer should be perfectly: "May this be our prayer, 'I do not want to turn my eyes from you, O God. There I want them to stay and not move no matter what happens to me, within or without."

Where is your gaze? What changes need to be made so you can ensure your gaze is fixed on Jesus Christ? Don't wait, trust that fixing our eyes on Jesus, while harder, will lead us to our greater purpose!

My One Thing

What is your one thing? You know, the idea, the person, the possession you put most value on? What do you want to be known for? What is your one thing?

D. L. Moody said, "It is better to say, 'This one thing I do,' than to say, 'These forty things I dabble with.'"

I think I'm pretty good at dabbling. But that's not something I want to be good at! I want to have one thing...and I want it to be the right one thing, the eternal one thing.

In Philippians 3:13-14 Paul says, "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Paul's one thing was singleminded devotion to Jesus.

I want that. I want my relationship with Jesus to be my one thing. But then I think, well what about everything else? What about my relationships with my family? My work? Agape Orphanage? Those are all pretty good things to put value into too, right? I realize that it is when my perspective is not eternal that I struggle most with Jesus being my one thing. Ultimately, pursuing him is the only thing of worth. Nothing else truly satisfies. Making him my one thing does not mean there is no worth in other good things. In fact, I think I am able to love best, work best, serve best, when He is my one thing. C.S. Lewis wrote, "When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased." What a hard, but good thing to remember!

Cynthia Heald talks about the importance of abiding in relation to making Jesus your one thing. She wrote, "My personal picture to illustrate abiding is 'keeping my hand in His.' Just as the branch must stay attached to the vine, I feel that if I keep my hand in His, then I'm connected to Christ. He is leading, I am following; He talks, I listen; I talk, He listens. When He stops, I stop. When He is silent, I am silent. Whatever path I am on, I know it is His path for me. Abiding is a lifestyle- a continual communion with the Lord as I keep my hand in His."

I like that illustration. Abiding in Christ is a choice- one we have to commit to daily. At times that seems overwhelming, but if I want Christ to be my one thing, it's a choice I want to make. It's a habit I want to form. A relationship I want to make a priority. It is far better to make Christ my one thing- how will I be able to fully love and serve those he placed in my life otherwise?

And when the choice of abiding seems too hard, I think of a quote by Andrew Murray, "Let Christ be first. Let Christ be all. Do not be occupied with the abiding- be occupied with Christ."

Purpose in Trials

God recently brought a verse in Jeremiah to my attention that really pierced my heart:

"He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."
Jeremiah 17:8

Then I went through a "focused living" seminar for my dad and I felt my heart being grabbed all over again as I went through an exercise that had me pull out all of the lessons God has been teaching me over the course of my life, and I saw all the ways he had been present.

Then I went to bible study and we talked about having an "unshakable simplicity" where Erwin G. Tieman was quoted saying, "Nothing influences the quality of our life more than how we respond to trouble."

These three things happened in a matter of a week. I figured God was probably trying to get my attention so I spent some time digging into these three themes in order to hear what He was trying to tell me. It was quite a convicting message.

I've now been in Pittsburgh for an entire year. It's been a challenging year. I've experienced a lot of the drought and heat Jeremiah talks about. I've spent a lot of my year dwelling on those times and not a lot of time ensuring I was like a tree planted by water. I was more like a rock, refusing to soak in the nutrients that would allow me to bear fruit. I stopped going to God with my problems, I would yell at him for them, but then try and "solve" them on my own. You can imagine how effective that was for me.

My dad encouraged me to complete this "focused living" seminar in hopes that it would renew in me a sense of purpose. It did a lot more than that.

One of the exercises required me to create a timeline of my life- to write on yellow post-it notes the significant people and experiences that have shaped who I am. After that was completed, I had to go through and pull out the post-it notes that represented a hard time or trial, and put them on pink post-it notes. Then, I had to organize all of the post-it notes into life stages and pull out lessons from each stage.

I have always heard and recited and even told other people, "God has a purpose in your trials." But to look and see how many of my life lessons were a direct result of my trials was overwhelming. Talking through my lessons with my dad connected the dots even further. I felt like crying the whole time because it was so overwhelming and wonderful to catch even just a glimpse of the way God had prepared me for where I am now.

Then my dad pointed out that my lessons don't just show how I value relationships with people, but with God also. Every lesson is somehow tied into what I learned about God and how central he is. He told me it is obvious I value my relationship with God. As I reflected on that I heard God say to me, "SEE! You value me! It has been evident at every stage of your life. So why are you ignoring the love and strength I want to give you? Why aren't you laying your burdens at my feet? I have a purpose in this trial too, how do you expect to find it if you aren't spending time with me?"

Yes I was experiencing times of heat and drought, but the biggest drought was in my heart. Because I had stopped going to God for fulfillment. I realized my current trial was only due to one thing: I missed God.

Bible study on Monday tied everything together. First, it was a sweet reminder of the way God had provided during my trials. He brought me to this sweet group of girls who were willing to be vulnerable and real in our journey to discover more of God. Second, the subject of unshakable simplicity was beyond perfect.

Cynthia Heald said, "Choosing to live a life simply devoted to the Lord does equip and enable us to remain unshakable in the midst of stressful and trying circumstances." God equips us! We have a choice, and when we make that choice, he equips us to remain unshakable, or green and able to bear fruit, in times of trials!

She also said, "I have found that the only way I can remain unshakable, assured, and deeply at peace is when I take heart from being in the presence of Christ. The only way I can experience His mercies to live just for today is to sit at His feet and listen to His Word. While abiding in Him I receive the strength, the wisdom, and the eternal perspective I need to respond to adversity in order to not be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ."

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty thrilled at the prospect of sitting at God's feet in times of trials, rather than venturing out to handle them on my own.

Firsts and Lasts

There are a few special girls in my life that are about to end another chapter of their lives- high school. It is the beginning of a lot of "lasts." Tomorrow, they have their last day of high school. For some of them, their last day of school in PA. And while the lasts are hard (and quite emotional), I'm more excited about the stuff that brought them to their "lasts" and the way it has prepared them for some new "firsts." I get emotional whenever I think about the last year these girls have had and the incredible way I have watched God shape their hearts. So, I'm going to take a moment to brag about them by sharing the two things I am most proud of.

1. I am so proud of the decision they made to be real, intentional, and vulnerable in their friendships with one another. They were able to push past all of the gossip, stereotypes, and differences that tend to define high school and share their hearts. It made experiencing the lasts of high school more special and ensures they will continue to be apart of each other's firsts in this next season.

2. I am so proud of the way these girls have been real with God. They have asked tough questions. They have searched for God, been mad or confused by God, and fallen in love with God. Their desire to know who they are in Christ and how they can use the gifts he blessed them with to glorify him challenges me. I have no doubt that not only is God going to bless all of the lasts they are experiencing together, but he is also going to show up in big ways in all of their firsts.

It is hard to end a chapter. It's emotional to say goodbye to the friends you have grown so close to and begin to remember how to make new ones. But these girls have built their friendship centered around the one thing in this world that never changes- Christ Jesus. That brings comfort in the lasts and hope in the firsts.

Girls, I can't say enough how proud I am of you and how much I love you! I have been so blessed to be a part of your lives. It has been so fun to watch your friendships go deeper and to watch you not only live life together, but fall in love with God together. Thanks for letting me be a part of that. I am excited to see you graduate, and even more excited to hear about your first years at college. And while you may not have any more "first" days of school with these girls by your side, we do have a "first" Christmas break that will demand a lot of sleepovers and waffle shop dates!

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11

Expecting to SEE him

My parents recently went through the process of becoming foster parents. They were approached about two little girls who needed to be placed in a new home. Seems like a no-brainer to say yes. The only catch was that whatever home they were placed in, needed to be willing to adopt them down the road. Our family had prayed about foster care. My parents felt led down that road. Adoption had not been a topic of discussion...except when talking about our little joys at Agape in Myanmar. It was an exciting thing to think about and pray about. I had no idea where God was going to lead my parents. Ultimately, my parents realized God had other plans for them. It was a hard and emotional decision. Even without meeting them, we had become somewhat attached to the idea of expanding the Nold family permanently.

I thought that this could be one of God's big plans for our family. It's hard to fathom that his plan could be bigger than adopting these two girls. I was with my sister, Katy, when our parents told us the decision. My initial thought was that maybe God said no to these two precious girls because he had a plan in the works to legalize adoption in Myanmar. We quickly dismissed that idea. No way was that happening.

This morning I was cleaning my apartment and came across the notes I took during my dad's sermon on Dancing Cripples. My eyes were drawn to two notes I took then starred and underlined. The first was, "Expect to see Him! Even cripples hope for a new normal, do I?" The second was, "It's always too early to quit asking- to quit hoping in God."

For me, for our family, a new normal would be adopting from Myanmar. It is something we wouldn't hesitate to do if it were legal. It's something that has been on my "Impossible Prayer List" since my first trip when I was a senior in high school. But I stopped praying for it. I stopped believing it could happen. It's an idea that is easily and quickly dismissed in conversation. So I started thinking, did I stop hoping for this new normal? Did I stop expecting him to move, to show up in a larger-than-life way? Why did I quit asking?

I always expect God to listen. I just don't always expect to SEE him. I don't like that. If I am not expecting to see him, chances are I am going to miss out when he reveals himself. Where in your life are you no longer expecting to see him, to see him move? What things have you quit asking for? I'm not saying to continue to ask for the things that God has clearly given you an answer to but you refuse to accept it. I'm talking about the things that you have been asking for that have yet to be answered. The things you don't think God could ever change. The hearts of loved ones, a child, a new job, reconciliation. Don't quit hoping, don't stop expecting to SEE God. Because if you do, you'll miss out on whatever beautiful, powerful, awesome plan he has. You could miss out on his new normal.

Finding Conviction in...Leviticus?

In January I started a one year Bible reading plan. Each day I read some of the Old Testament, some of the New Testament, a Psalm and a Proverb. Currently, I am reading through Leviticus. I always used to get frustrated reading through this book because I felt like all it contained was a bunch of intense rules that no longer apply. I also, at times, couldn't believe that God really required some of those laws of his people. God really convicted me of that this time around. While it's still hard to read through it, my view has altered.

First, my view of God in this book has changed dramatically. The reason I feel the rules are so intense is because I'm not truly appreciating and recognizing the majesty and holiness of the God I serve. I sometimes get so caught up in God as my Father and God as my friend that I forget the sovereignty of God. I forget to be in complete awe of him. I am not jealous of the Israelites and all of the sacrifices and laws they needed to follow in order to enter into a relationship with God, but I do think I need to practice viewing God the way they did a little more often.

I was also convicted of how little joy and gratitude I feel towards Jesus when reading this book. Jesus is the reason we don't have to follow the old traditions! And rather than reading through this book with a thankful heart, I read it with a disgusted heart. I couldn't get past the animal killing, blood splattering, and complete condemnation of all sins that often resulted in death or being outcasted from the community. Again, that all goes back to my lack of recognizing the holiness of God. I was so convicted of the state of my heart reading through this. Ultimately, it caused me to think through what I am willing to do in order to be in a relationship with my Creator.

The Israelites, while far from perfect, were willing to follow these laws in order to worship their God. While I know some of the acts were common during those times, I'm sure it was not easy to follow the steps of sacrificing every time you disrespected your parents or touched an unclean animal. It would have been a lot easier to live a mediocre life apart from God. But they didn't (most of the time). It is so much easier now to enter into a relationship with God. And how do I show my gratitude? By indulging in the worldly things that I desire and asking for forgiveness later. By holding on to the things that I have deemed precious rather than giving it all up to God. Shouldn't the fact that God has bridged the gap cause me to want to live all the more passionately for Him?

As I was in the process of sifting through all of this, I listened to one of my Dad's sermons entitled, Total Abandon. Perfect timing, God. In it he talked about carrying the cross, the very symbol of the new relationship God made possible for us through Jesus. He asked, "What is the cost of the cross for you?" What is God asking me to abandon in order to carry my cross and follow him?

I'm not sure of the answer yet. But I know it involves carrying the cross daily rather than whenever I feel like it. So while I pray about what Jesus is asking me to abandon, I am also going to pray for an increasingly clearer picture of who God is. I don't want to focus on the sides that are easier to take in (i.e. the forgiving father). I want a complete picture of my God that brings me to my knees every time. So thank you, Leviticus for providing a picture of the majesty and holiness of the God we serve!